Men Don’t Need a Therapist, They Have Their Shit Together

7 min read

Hi everyone, I’m Rick Barron, your host, and welcome to my podcast, That’s Life, I Swear

Men have been told all their lives to “man up”, “be strong”, and that seeing a doctor for yearly checkups is a sign of weakness. Turns out there’s another fear men have, and that’s being advised to seeing a therapist. The phobia of seeing a therapist, is interference with their manhood. 

Let’s jump into this 

When I launched my first podcast on May 1, 2022, I had no idea I would receive so many downloads right out of the gate. It was a topic that, centered around why men are afraid to see their doctor. Received a lot of positive feedback on the episode, followed by requests to do another podcast in a different area of the medical field, that men fear. Challenge accepted.

Men afraid to seek therapy. Courtesy of: Joe's Daily

As I did my research, I came across a word that captures men’s fear of seeing a doctor or seeking medical advice. It’s a phobia called [iatrophobia]. Seeing a doctor for an annual physical to see if anything is creeping up on them is one thing, but offer advice to see a therapist, and the door slams shut. 

See a therapist? I mean, you can hear the fingernails screeching down the chalkboard.

So why is it that men slam the door to seeking help from a therapist? The excuses run all over the place. The Priory Group came up with some interesting stats. Let me know if these excuses sound familiar:

1.     I’ve learned to deal with it (40%) 

2.     I don’t wish to be a burden to anyone (36%)

3.     I’m too embarrassed (29%)

4.     There’s negative stigma around this type of thing (20%)

5.     I don’t want to admit I need support (17%)

6.     I don’t want to appear weak (16%)

7.     I have no one to talk to (14%)

Looking at this list takes me back to my very first episode. Men are fearful of a doctor telling them they have or may have a medical problem. Ok, that’s fair. When it’s recommended to a man that he ought to see a therapist for why they may feel depressed or have high anxiety, fear doesn’t enter the picture. Instead, it comes down to a man thinking they’re their manhood, their masculinity will be tampered with.  

Mental health experts have long known that men are more likely to die by suicide, drug overdose, and alcohol-related deaths, despite women having twice the rate of depression diagnoses.  Data shows that nearly 80 percent of suicides are among men, with males over 75. 

There are other mental health issues for seeking help from a therapist. Some of those issues include anger management, addiction, intimacy issues, domestic violence, mid-life crises, grief or loss, and anxiety or depression.

Such a disparity in care has experts searching for ways to reach men who may be reluctant to discuss their mental health and seek help. 

The American Psychological Association (A.P.A.) released guidelines for practitioners working with men and boys in 2018. Interestingly, the report took the approach of reframing therapy as an opportunity for strength and well-being rather than a treatment for illness. Some therapists and public health campaigns have adopted this technique, using unconventional messaging to appeal to hard-to-reach men and encouraging them to see asking for help as a sign of strength.

While researching this topic, I came across Dr. Sally Spencer-Thomas, president and co-founder of United Suicide Survivors International.  

Dr. Sally Spenser-Thomas. Courtesy of: sallyspencerthomas.com

Over time she’s interviewed men who attempted suicide but survived. During the interviews, she found a trend building. The trend was the standard communication around mental health, which shouldn’t have been a surprise, was a complete turnoff for them. The men interviewed felt that the source of their problems was an overwhelming world, such as stressful jobs and financial concerns, and they did not consider themselves mentally unwell. 

After reviewing the results, Dr. Spencer-Thomas felt that it was best to modify the messaging and language used to discuss mental health and therapy to reach men with this thinking.

Additionally, it is essential to note that men who work in traditionally blue collar jobs, such as mining, construction, and agriculture, have the highest rates of suicide. This highlights that there’s need for tailored outreach and support for men in these fields.

Now having said that as I combed the internet for information on this topic, I did come across a website that was shall I say, ‘different’. The name of the website is Man Therapy. Wikipedia described the purpose of the site and I quote:  

“The purpose of the Man Therapy campaign is to provide men approaching crisis, and their loved ones, a place to go and learn more about men's mental health, examine their own and consider a wide array of actions that will put them on the path to treatment and recovery. The message is that all men should be aware of their mental health, treat it like they would a broken leg and strive to get better.” End quote

Dr. Mahogany (a “fake therapist”). Courtesy of: mantherapy.org

What I found interesting about this website is its approach to find a way to reach those most at risk for suicide and not wanting help from a therapist. It’s a different outlet for men to not be afraid to share their inner feelings, without fear of losing their masculinity, manhood if you will. 

The website's host is Dr. Mahogany (a “fake therapist”). He’s very strategic at using ideas of masculinity to bridge concepts that help men reshape the conversation of mental health. There are moments he throws in humor to cut through stigma and tackle issues like depression, divorce and suicidal thoughts head on.   

About 18 months after the website was released, Dr. Sally Spencer-Thomas, wrote a White Paper about the website, it’s outreach and impact on men’s mental health program. It’s only ten pages and a very fast read. You can check it out on my website.

It’s noted in the White Paper, that the overall goals of the website are to:

1. To improve social norms around mental health among men and the general population.  

2. To increase help-seeking behavior among men for a variety of health and mental health issues, leading to an increase in men seeking available resources (including those provided on the site). 

3. Long-term: to reduce rates of suicidal ideation and deaths among men. 

I invite you to browse the links I provided on my website to explore the Man Therapy website and the White Paper. 

So why do men fear therapists and think seeing one will result in losing their manhood? 

Men are often hesitant to seek therapy for a variety of reasons. One major reason is societal stereotypes and expectations that men should be strong, independent, and able to handle their problems independently. This notion that men should not express vulnerability or seek help can create a sense of shame or embarrassment for men struggling with mental health issues.

Men are expected to be strong, independent, and self-reliant, via their upbringing. In some cultures, men are expected to be the primary providers and protectors for their families, which can make it difficult for them to admit to needing help or to take time away from their responsibilities to attend therapy. 

Men are hesitant to seek therapy as there’s the stigma that it’s focused around mental health. Many men believe that treatment is only for people who are "crazy" or "weak," and may be ashamed to admit that they are struggling emotionally. Some men may fear being judged or ostracized for seeking help.

Another reason why men may not seek therapy is due to the perception that it is a feminine activity. Men may view therapy as more appropriate for women or something that only women do. This perception can make men feel uncomfortable or awkward about seeking help from a woman therapist.

Men do have to face a realization, men going into the psychotherapist’s profession is shrinking. 

It's important to note that these fears and stereotypes are not true and that therapy can be beneficial for men. Therapy can help men understand their feelings and behaviors, develop coping mechanisms, improve relationships, and work through past traumas.

What are some recommendations to encourage men to see help by seeing a therapist? What can we say or do to help them overcome their fears that seeing a therapist impacts their manhood? 

List of reasons for seeing a therapist. Courtesy of: VIGORITO 

There are several strategies that can be effective in encouraging men to seek help from a therapist:

·       Normalize seeking help: By sharing stories of men who have benefited from therapy or mental health treatment, we can help to break down the stigma and demonstrate that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

·       Emphasize the benefits of seeking help: Many men may not seek help because they feel it is a sign of weakness. However, emphasizing the benefits of seeking help, such as improved mental health, better relationships, and a more fulfilling life, can be a powerful motivator. Therapy can help men understand that taking care of their mental health is just as important as taking care of their physical health.

·       Address misconceptions: It's important to address any misconceptions or myths that men may have about therapy or mental health treatment. For example, some men may believe that therapy is only for people with severe mental illness, when in fact, therapy can be helpful for a wide range of issues.

·       Use relatable examples: Men may be more likely to seek help if they can relate to the experiences of others. Using examples of successful men who have sought help and overcome their struggles can be a powerful way to encourage men to seek help.

·       Encourage peer support: Men may be more willing to seek help if they know that others in their peer group have sought help or are supportive of seeking help. Encouraging men to talk to their friends or family members about their struggles and seek support can be a powerful way to reduce stigma and encourage help-seeking behavior.

·       Focus on the therapeutic process: Men may be hesitant to see a therapist because they are unsure what to expect. Focusing on the therapeutic process, what it entails, and how it can be beneficial can help demystify the process and make it more approachable.

Another challenge is that men may not identify or recognize the symptoms of mental health issues. It’s important to educate men about the signs and symptoms of mental health issues, so they can recognize when they need help and seek it out.

We need to address the disparity in care and support for men's mental health. This includes reframing the language and messaging used to discuss mental health, creating tailored outreach and support for men in high-risk fields, and creating a safe and understanding environment for men to talk about their mental health. By addressing these issues, we can help more men access the help and support they need to improve their mental well-being.

What can we learn from this story? What’s the take away

Education, changing the language used around mental health, making therapy less intimidating, and recognizing that seeking help is not a sign of weakness are all approaches that can help break down these barriers and encourage men to prioritize their mental health. 

Society has created a stereotype of men being tough and not needing emotional support or therapy, which perpetuates the belief that seeking help is a sign of weakness. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, if anything, it’s a sign of strength.

Well, there you go. That's life, I swear.

For further information regarding the material covered in this episode, I invite you to visit my website, which you can find on either Apple Podcasts/iTunes or Google Podcasts, for show notes calling out key pieces of content mentioned and the episode transcript.

As always, I thank you for listening. 

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