The Fear Factor: Why Are Men Afraid To Go To The Doctor?

Hi, I’m Rick Barron, your host, and welcome to That’s Life, I Swear

They say ignorance is no protection from the consequences of inaction.

I’d like to share a story with you. A story that began several years ago with a Christmas wish. 

I’ll get into that story in a minute, but I’d like to start this discussion with a question about what I’ll be talking about.

The question: Why are men so afraid of going to the doctor?

Let’s jump into this

Yeah, I know guys, we’re all Superman. Of course, we’re fit as a fiddle. We exercise, lift weights, what we eat. In short, you have it all under control when it comes to the well-being of your health.

What could go wrong? Yep, hold that thought.

I love research. Enjoy discovering the various data points that unfold the circumstances of why life is what it is.

In my research on why men are afraid to see the doctor, I found that men between the ages of 35 to 54 are the biggest segment

Only 43% of that middle-aged group reported seeing their doctors for annual physicals. Sadly, that percentage decreases as men get older — when serious illnesses pretty much compel them to see a professional, at which point it could be too late to address the issue at hand.

In the same group of men, between the ages of 35 to 54, —72%— said they would rather do household chores, like cleaning the bathroom or mowing the lawn, than go to the doctor. Ah, the honey do list is not a problem now.

Those men over 55, skipping seeing the doctor drops to 59%. Still a pretty high number.

Now there is some good news to report.

Some men, approximately 20%, see their doctor annually. However, that same 20% confess not being upfront with their physical status, which defeats the purpose, doesn’t?

Why the holdback on not being transparent with their Primary Care Physician? 

As I continued my Google searching, I came across some interesting stats that provides answers on the non-transparency of men:

-46% said they were embarrassed. There's that masculinity shield popping up

-40% said they felt uncomfortable

-38% said they thought their health problem would resolve on its own. Yes, if only

-37% said they knew something was wrong but were not willing to face the diagnosis and/or would rather not know if they have any health issues

With all the research I did find, there was one salient data point that kept coming up as why men avoid seeing their doctor. One word: fear.

Fear of what may be. Courtesy of: HealthCare PACT

It’s being afraid of the unknown. One day you feel a bump on your shoulder that you swear wasn’t there before. Deep down inside you know what you ought to do. You make the attempt to pick up your mobile phone and make the call, but fear takes over.

It’s the fear that the bump on your shoulder could be something. And it’s that fear that you let drag on for months.

So, where did this stigma of being afraid to see your doctor on an annual basis generate? 

When I look back at my childhood, I remember boys being told to stop being a wimp and 'take it like a man’. My research took me to a survey that validated that point. The survey reported that 41% of men say they were told as children that men don't complain about health issues.

Perhaps it’s this this stigma of a man have to gut it out and not show weakness as they say, is ridiculous. 

For many men, fear is what drives men's decision making in ignoring that annual visit to the doctor, regardless if they’re in good health. Well guys, you don’t know what you don’t know, and that’s where problems with your health can get the better of you.

So, there you have it. Be a man, afraid to hear the diagnosis, making an appointment is a waste of time, having your body touched during a physical exam, capped off with fear.

Here I am lecturing about men being timid to see their doctor and everything else, and have digressed from the story I mention I was going to share at the beginning of this podcast. 

First off, I must be transparent and confess that I am guilty as charged. Yep, I held on to the same idiotic beliefs about seeing a doctor.

Like the vast majority of men, I felt strong in my conviction, as a man, that why see a doctor when I felt I was in perfect health. I ran various half marathons, ate fairly well, lifted weights and so on. 

However, little did I know that down the road, I would learn that something was creeping up om me. That something would soon confront me and forever change my mindset about seeing the doctor, regardless of how I felt. 

So, what got me to change my thinking to erase my silliness that I’m superhuman?

My wife. And here’s where my story begins.

One day she approached me with a look that registered I have another ‘honey do’ list for you. Instead, she came straight to the point. So, I have a question for you mister. We have great health coverage at work, and yet since we’ve been married, I’ve never seen or heard about you going to your doctor for an annual

She didn’t cap off her question with the word ‘why’ but rather her eyes said it all, “well I’m waiting”. 

I started with the proverbial excuses followed with my song and dance about I felt great, and I have no health issues that I thought were of concern.

After hearing my lame excuse, my wife then threw a curveball at me. 

She looked at me and said, ‘have you ever wondered what you don’t know is maybe creeping up on you slowly, and that your refusal to have yourself checked out goes beyond an annoyance to something that could cause you irreversible harm?’

Silence filled the room. My wife kept staring at me. As I thought about what she just said, I knew she had a point. After all, I’m not a doctor. 

A Christmas Wish. Courtesy of: Rick Barron

Before I could utter a reply to her question, she asked me to give her a Christmas wish, a wish that would be delivered every year.

The annual Christmas wish was to promise her and myself to schedule to see a doctor for an annual exam. She repeated, annually! Her eyes said it all for me, there was no need to debate. 

I gave her the Christmas wish and same that afternoon I called the medical clinic to see a doctor for what be my ongoing annual exam. That Christmas wish was promised over 20 years ago. And true to my word, I’ve stayed consistent ever since for my annual checkup. 

Over the years, my annual checkups went well and almost became routine, until one day.

As I was finishing regular annual checkup, my doctor noticed a spot on my left wrist. ‘How long you’ve had that mark, he asked’?

Not sure. Guessing maybe a year or two. What I didn’t tell him was I did notice it but sought to ignore it. Yep, that Superman syndrome coming back into play again. Stupid. I know. 

My doctor recommended that to be on the safe side, I ought to have it checked out before heading home. He quickly scheduled an appointment to see a doctor at the Dermatology department.  

As my doctor was making the appointment, I began to think about where this was going. What might this spot be? Should I worry? Stop you dummy! Don’t get yourself wrapped up in knots until you see the doctor.  

Little did I know, that as I walked across the street to see the doctor at the Dermatology department, that the Christmas wish I promised my wife years back, was about to become one of the smartest decisions I would ever make. 

During my visit with the dermatology doctor, he checked my entire body for spots, but soon focused on ‘the’ spot my doctor called out. As he focused his specialized lens instrument on the spot in question, I couldn’t help but notice his facial expression. To me it said, ‘I’ve seen this before’. His eyes telegraphed he didn’t like what he saw. 

The doctor took a biopsy of the spot and said he would have to conduct some tests, but assured me he would get back to me that afternoon with his analysis. 

Driving home, my focus was on the biopsy. What would the doctor find or hopefully not find? Was this going to be that moment where I reflected back to what my wife told me, ‘Have you ever wondered what you don’t know may be creeping up on you slowly, and your refusal to have an annual checkup, goes beyond an annoyance to something that could do you harm.’

My head was buzzing with the ‘what if’s. I finally stopped thinking and put my focus on the road so as not to cause an accident.

Arriving home, I thought of telling my wife about the events that took place during my annual physical. I wanted to tell her but thought best to hold back and not worry her. Besides, the doctor who took the biopsy hadn’t called yet, so why cause her to worry. 

I went to my office and starting checking my email. Why doesn’t that phone ring? No sooner did I ask that question the phone did ring.

Looking at the caller ID screen I saw the phone number was coming from the medical clinic. 

My body froze for a moment but I walked over to the phone and picked it up.

Hi Rick, this is Doctor Lee. Hi doctor, I replied. The doctor didn’t waste time with what he had to say. So, we conducted the biopsy on the spot we removed. At this point I was praying and noticed my heart rate starting to speed up. 

I then heard the words I didn’t want to hear. Unfortunately, I have to report what we found was Melanoma. 

Superman just got knocked over with Kryptonite.

I stared at the wall for a few seconds to let what I just heard sink in. I flat out didn’t want to believe the news. That fear factor, hearing a bad diagnosis, everything that I’ve been talking about, just raced through my body like a spear of ice. Ok, ok, snap out it I said and waited for additional input from the doctor on the phone. 

The doctor said that next steps involved seeing two doctors immediately. One of the two doctors was in Oncology, which is a branch of medicine that specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of cancer, and another doctor that specialized in plastic surgery. Whoa, plastic surgery!? I mean, what the hell! 

After hanging up the phone I walked out of my office and went straight to my wife to share with her the events of the day and the call I just received. She looked at me and could see I was scared. She gave me a warm hug and said not to worry, we’re a team.

The next day I found myself driving back to the medical clinic to visit the two doctors that would be dealing with my problem. First stop, the Oncology doctor.  While there she explained the biopsy findings and what steps would be required for my treatment. No sooner did she say that she came out and said that a date would be set for my surgery. Surgery, I said. 

No, no, I’m not hearing this. This is a bad dream. Could I just take some pills!?

Unfortunately, the nature of the Melanoma required the checking of my lymph nodes to ensure there was no trace of potential cancer there. 

From there, it was just a litany of this and that. My head was spinning. Everything was fine until the plastic surgery doctor came into the office. 

He carefully laid out what would happen during the surgery on my wrist. Depending on how deep he would need to probe, he was very transparent in saying that nerves could be impacted. The result could be I lose the feeling in a finger, all my fingers, even my entire hand. 

Well, that was all I needed to hear. I wanted to run out of the room and scream. At this point of the discussion, I lost it and started to cry. I wanted to put on my Superman cape and fly as far away as possible!

Long story short, the operation was a success, although it took two operations and extensive therapy for my wrist and hand.

I must admit that when the cast was removed from my left arm and the dressing removed, my first site of the wound made me a little sick to my stomach. 

Looking at the size of it I thought is this really going to heal up! The wound was about the size of a standard PC mouse, approximately four inches by three inches. 

My wife and I took turns changing the dressing on the wound. It took about three months of daily dressing changes but by the fourth month the wound was fairly healed. Must say the human body is remarkable. 

Lost count of how many appointments I had with my physical therapist, plus various appointments with the two doctors who did the surgery. It was quite the experience.

So why am I telling you all this? 

Guys, it’s not worth brandishing that macho badge. We’re not Superman and you know what, it’s ok. 

So, what lessons can you learn from my story? What’s the take away?

One lesson to draw from this is thinking about the ramifications of your inaction to have yourself checked by a doctor, on an annual basis. You don’t know what you don’t know. Should you want to stick to that thought, it could only be a matter of time when something creeps up on you, and it might be too late to deal with it. 

Please don’t let the thought of not seeing a doctor rent space in your head. 

Now perhaps you have a family history where no one has ever had a serious illness or something that required surgery. That’s great. However, did ever think that maybe you might be the first one to have such a problem? 

Do you seriously want to roll the dice on your health? 

Seeing your doctor on an annual basis is essential, not to mention to establish and maintain a relationship of trust. 

In addition, you want to receive counseling based on your family health history and your lifestyle.

So, stop procrastinating and pick up that phone and make the appointment. Do it for your family, but honestly do it for the person that matters here, you.

Hanging up the Superman cape. Courtesy of: Poshmark

That said, time to hang up the Superman cape. Again, you don’t know what you don’t know, regardless of how tough and healthy you think you are.

Oh, there is one more thing. I want to thank my beautiful wife for making me understand that not taking care of your health, regardless if you think nothing is wrong, is foolhardy and just plain nonsense. Because of her I never have to wonder about the ‘what if’ I had never gone to see my doctor on an annual basis. Making that trip every year to see my doctor, has become one of my favorite appointments to keep.

Well, there you go. That’s life, I swear.

For further information regarding the material covered in this episode, I invite you to visit my website that you can find on either Apple Podcasts or Google Podcasts, for show notes calling out key pieces of content mentioned, and the episode transcript.

As always, I thank you for listening.

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